"Playing Make Believe"

“I still think it's important for people to have a sharp, ongoing critique of marriage in patriarchal society — because once you marry within a society that remains patriarchal, no matter how alternative you want to be within your unit, there is still a culture outside you that will impose many, many values on you whether you want them to or not. ” ― bell hooks

Playing Make Believe

She has walked down aisles all her life

Narrow passageways that boxed her in

To mold her into the image of

A wife perfected

Beautiful

And Dutiful

A symbol of purity

But also someone to desire

Keep him interested and engaged

Make him want to stay

She plays pretend until she believes

In her own make believing

That who she is to him,

Is who she really is

If he is satisfied.

Then she is satisfied.

And she carries on this way

Even when he takes glances

At other “opportunities”

Other bodies, other beings, other hearts

That might play the part

Better than she can

She can’t see past the game playing

She’s taught her heart to bend so it will never break

And to smile and be okay with

Waiting

And mean while she hides her aching

for a sign that says she’s the one

She changed his mind
Helped him find
His doubt was wrong
All he was looking for was in her all along

She wants from him
A union of their hearts

Til death do us part,

Holy matrimony

To keep her secure,
To know he is sure

This union of beings

under patriarichal practice

Blesses and sanctifies unions

With societal expectations.

She believed it was more about

seeing two spirits connecting

And celebration of commitment to grow in

Life's understanding

To be supported and cared for,

through days that are trying

And days that are joyful

Where love is supposed to be the center,

But now she looks at how marriages

Are mortgages

and down payments

and prenuptials

and insurance

and wills

Because the only way to make marriage

'Til death and past death

Are written contracts

that have been made up

because agreements are binding

And so marriage becomes

numbers and letters on paper

and hearts are left out of the equation

But regardless of what they say

Contracts can be broken

Bindings can be broken

Paper can be broken

And thus marriage can be broken

She makes her heart bend further

So her heart will not be broken

She looks back and

It hasn’t changed in any way

From Dowries

to Marriage making Kings of men

Daughters for a sum of gold and goods given

And land for her hand

Arrangements were made

So the best matches would be made

And it never had to do with love

But just material and title gains

She was taught marriage was meant

to sanctify love

and create promises to care for

And she really believed

She tries still to believe

That he’s out there

And he is out there

But because he has been taught that marriage

Is giving up on what else is out there

And in his make believing

That ring transforms her

Into a ball and chain

Where he’s tied down

And whipped

Where he is forced to be faithful

Because of this

Marriage becomes a prison

And who wants to rush into being behind bars?

And so he doesn’t want any commitment

Not now

Maybe never

He’s not ready to give up

All his freedom to love

One person forever?

She looks back and

It hasn’t changed in any way

From what past lives have seen

Man becomes king and womyn yes she is queen,

But she's still beside concubines, courtesans,

second, third, fourth and fifth ladies in waiting

It’s so aggravating

Because Man remains man and she becomes wife

She holds a title and he holds on to his being

Its hard to see love surviving with all of this

Injustice she’s seeing

And she looks at what he sees

And she doesn’t blame him

So she has been retaught

That all her ideas of what

love and commitment can bring

all of its growings and beauty

are washed away

and she begins to play

another game

She rejects ideas of marriage

And rejects ideas of love

And continues to make her heart bend

Without ever breaking

She plays pretend until she believes

In her own make believing

That who she is without love

Is really who she is