New York CIty, It's what you do to me

Written one year ago:

I have not willingly been to church since I was in Italy.

I'm confessing this to all of you, even though a lot of you may have notice my lack of Sunday activity other than Kaba Board meetings, because going to church today, in my second week in New York City, is a huge step in the transition I am making into my big city life.

I have always been a person of faith and hope, because through struggle they sustained me, but I lost my necessity for religion somewhere down the line.

Today when I sat down in church I thought to myself that there is something wonderful about congregating in a house of faith and hope, especially in the city, because here you are reminded that you are connected to the living all around you.

There are so many people in the city. I could go through an entire day, I think, without passing the same people I had while walking the streets the day before. So when I do see a familiar face, whether it be a server at a restaurant or the clerk at a grocer, it is that much more refreshing.

People say that New York is full of individuals who are out for themselves. But what I believe is that the individuals of New York City that live and breathe it every day are rather seeking to live their lives to the greatest potential and they believe the city will drive them toward that. They come here, as I have, seeking the gifts of the city, of opportunity, experience and discovery and must also on the other hand be prepared for the challenges that the city pairs with its gifts.

I told Justine the other day. that the city is such a contradiction because it has a way of thickening your skin and also of shedding it.

One minute you feel as if you are insignificant and unable to get past the negativity and doubt that you will be able to survive the city on your own, and the next minute you feel the complete opposite. You feel blessed, and you feel strengthened by the trials you are able to over come, whether it be little things like figuring out how to get back on your route when you've mixed up 4th St with 4th Ave and find you have been walking 2 extra miles you did not have to. Or it could be overcoming one of your worst fears and weaknesses, being alone, and dealing with the fact that for the first month you are in a new place you have to plan your life, when you no longer have it planned out for you. No more work, no Kaba, no friends who you can drive over to see or family only 40minutes away, just you and a blank slate, and time.

Believing in yourself is not enough anymore. In order to make it through the rain, you have to believe that you are surviving for something greater, for me its for the kids I want to work with in the future, for the communities that will be served by the art I want to build and share, for my friends that I choose to include in my tomorrow and for my family who reminds me of my strengths every step and fall that I make.

You have to believe in something greater, that not only lives within you, but all around you. Like church, people come to the city to be cleansed, to seek redemption, to be changed, to feel connected and open to everyone and everything around them. Its because of this that I feel blessed to wake up and be a part of the city everyday.

Church was beautiful today. The City was beautiful today.