Wanted to be on top

So, not too many people knew about this but for the past few weeks I have been preppin myself for a big audition...

America's Next Top Model.

I know, hella crazy right?

You don't know the half of it, that audition was a crazy trip. And I may not have left it meeting Tyra, but I left it with something else.

Let me run you through this mess of an audition.

First of all, hella girls, HELLA. And all of them just look so different from each other. Anywho, after waiting in line for an hour or two, getting to LA at 630, you are wrist band, stamped and numbered and then you go into a stadium seating and wait for your fate.

You and 50 other girls are then brought into a curtained room, you could not talk, you had to be quiet they stand you on the perimeter of the room and then you say only 3 things, just three things:

1) your name
2) your age
3) your height

and then they look at your profile, your face and then they call out 5 numbers, and then that's it.
You get three instances to speak, a move to the right and a move forward and that is what determines their choice for the next group.

I prepared for this audition day in and out, I looked at myself in and out and thought about what would show them who I was and what I could offer as a person beyone a face. But that wasnt what it was about at all, I didn't know how I felt after, but what I did know was that it wasnt the modeling I wanted, I wanted the opportunity to have a voice. My application turned out to be 26 pages after I poured my heart out for this. I wanted to have the show give me the opportunity to be honest with myself and others about the hardships of life and the lessons learn and how to be strengthened by them

I saw the show as America's Next Top Role Model I guess. Its funny because the important thing to me about any fame, is the opportunity to be heard, and for people to look at you as an influence.

I wanted it, for my own reasons, but this is not the way for me to get my voice out, I think I knew that all along, but I thought what the heck, I can do it, I can make it to the top. And I will, just not the same "top" that a lot of the girls who stood in that line are shooting for.

Aside from this new outlook on what I want, I also get to look back on the past few weeks and recall the support from Wes and my sister and my AMAZING ROOMATES!

New footage from our training sessions; my real life Miss Jay: JS, Mr. Jay: Neil Jon and Paulina: Giselle! Thank you guys for being my motivators and believing in me.

Three Poses with a Bag... and GO!


Poses on a Pull Up Bar



My Runway Improv hahaha (Just an idea of what we did for this, but it involved chalesses full of water, folk. techno and gangsta music, a hula wrap and Giselle's blanket.)



We also did speaking with eyes, which JS is a master at and all this other Jazz. I will never forget how much fun this was! hahaha

I'm keeping my audition application, it was an experience filling it out. And there is 26 pages of my heart in it. I give them props for putting together an application taht allows someone to reflect on their lives.

Next up for me: Preofessional Headshots, a Updated Resume for Performance, And actually auditioning for something that will let me show a little more of me.

10 weeks of school left, still praying for the EAST COAST to take me home!!