Work

This past week has been a remarkable one. 

I have been delving deeper and deeper into this community and into the work that I have come here to do. Everyday I have pushed myself far beyond the reaches that I have ever been given the opportunity to do in any theatrical work I have experienced in the past. It has been a gratifying and fulfilling challenge, not only for myself as an artist, but also as a person, as a human being.

I cannot explain to you all how physically and emotionally draining this work is. I will be honest. Sometimes... I feel as if my studying theatre is not as worthwhile or to you all not as serious or difficult or what have you. But it carries its own weight and it is something that means a lot to me. I feel sometimes Artists are belittled. Sometimes I feel that you all may not think that I can perform either. But I have reaffirmed for myself, that I can and that I am good at what I love to do. I just never gave myself the credit.

I was always afraid of the judgement.

That's what comes with the work. No matter how hard you work, no matter how talented you are... there will always be judgement. 

Today I had a very beautiful experience with my work in class. I've experienced this sensation many times before, but today was the most intense I have ever experienced. I just tell myself that I am here to do my work, and to do it well, and to bring back whatever I can when I leave. For my art, for my soul, for my friends and family, my Kababayan and all the things I care about.

I also had a beautiful talk with Ricardo about life. And work. "Ricardo" it is always said by the other staff members "is the backbone of this Villa" because without him everything would fall apart. He is not married, he does not think to go back home because all he does is work. He says that he puts his heart (puso he said) into his work because it is what he has, and it is how he can live. But it return he is able to see the fruits of his labor. he knows that if he did not care for his job then no one would care for him, they could easily throw him into the streets. 

He also spoke about how he hired to work under him all his close friends and closest family he has in the Filipino Community here. It is difficult for the men, he says, to find work. And so he chose his men. He said that you have to choose wisely who works beside you, because there needs to be respect and love to assure you will not be threatened, or have to pay for the work that those under you cannot or are not capable of doing.

He knows the value of work and struggle and we spoke of how knowing this makes us appreciate our culture, the people we are, and our lives. 

I love him for always sharing his wise words with me and his strong heart.

He and the other Filipino staff members put on a party for us today, with Filipino BBQ, Lumpia, Magic Mic, Flip Cup and Beer Pong and good company. And it was absolutely amazing. So much generosity and so much good humor. I enjoy their presence and I have been doing my best to help them in any little way I can. For as long as I am in this Villa I will help them to know that they are appreciated and loved. 

I cannot explain to you all how much being here has taught me to appreciate everything that I have and everything that I am. 

I have always been dedicated to any work that I do. And it is all important because it is important to me. And I am determined and I know I will make a difference somewhere some day.